Monday, February 18, 2013
Halo #1
Beyonce sings about halos. I like the concept. Someone who does good in your life but maybe doesn't get the glory so much.
Continuing my theme of gratitude, when I think of someone I am grateful for, I will give them a "halo" shout out.
Today's is for the security guard at the Y (whose name I really should know!). He is such a blessing. He's an older guy. Not a man of many words. Which is probably why I didn't figure out what he does until a while after he'd started doing it.
If you are a woman and you leave the Y at night, he follows you to your car. He doesn't do so in a stalkerish way. He keeps a good distance behind you. Far enough so that you don't feel followed but close enough to get to you should trouble arise. When you get to your car he pauses until you're behind the wheel and have started the car.
I only realized he was doing this because one night as I got into the car, another woman passed by that he needed to escort so he gave me a brief nod and said "Goodnight miss."
This man, I think, has a lot to teach me about pride in one's vocation. His job isn't the most notorious. Or glamorous. Heck, folks who are even less self-aware than me probably don't even realize he does what he does but it's so important. The care he feels for the women who visit the Y and the pride he seems to take in serving others inspires me. I want to be that caring and that invested in my God-given vocation.
So...Mr. Security Guard at the Y (whose name I WILL learn tomorrow!) I give you a halo shout out. God bless you and keep you safe as you work to keep the safety of others.
Continuing my theme of gratitude, when I think of someone I am grateful for, I will give them a "halo" shout out.
Today's is for the security guard at the Y (whose name I really should know!). He is such a blessing. He's an older guy. Not a man of many words. Which is probably why I didn't figure out what he does until a while after he'd started doing it.
If you are a woman and you leave the Y at night, he follows you to your car. He doesn't do so in a stalkerish way. He keeps a good distance behind you. Far enough so that you don't feel followed but close enough to get to you should trouble arise. When you get to your car he pauses until you're behind the wheel and have started the car.
I only realized he was doing this because one night as I got into the car, another woman passed by that he needed to escort so he gave me a brief nod and said "Goodnight miss."
This man, I think, has a lot to teach me about pride in one's vocation. His job isn't the most notorious. Or glamorous. Heck, folks who are even less self-aware than me probably don't even realize he does what he does but it's so important. The care he feels for the women who visit the Y and the pride he seems to take in serving others inspires me. I want to be that caring and that invested in my God-given vocation.
So...Mr. Security Guard at the Y (whose name I WILL learn tomorrow!) I give you a halo shout out. God bless you and keep you safe as you work to keep the safety of others.
Day 5 - Bored
I'll admit it. I'm kind of bored.
But this isn't, to me, an indicator that I should go rushing back to social media. No...it's more of an indicator that I need to rediscover what I did before social media.
I've started coaching Zar in Scrabble. That's been fun. She's always wanted to play with me and I just never took the time to teach her the game. It occurs to me that Scrabble is a very communal game. It takes everyone working together, even while working against each other, to keep the game going. Each player has to branch out their words so there's room for game play. And players can steer other players in different directions by their word choices.
And she seems to be picking it up! I offered to coach her with difficult letters but she wanted to try to do it herself (classic 11 year-old) and you know what? She did just fine.
Why didn't I do this earlier? It just goes to show what gets lost when you let something take up SO much time in your life.
I may have even found a way to bond with Annikki (almost 14 year-old teenager extraordinaire). I think this is a teen rule: she can't talk to me out of her mouth...but she can text me. So I've started texting her. Even when we're both in the house. I figure if I meet her where she's at, maybe I can convince her to scoot over toward the middle a little bit :)
41 days to go - but I feel hopeful! I know the anniversary of mom's death is coming up. There will no doubt be lots of reflections from that. But for now, a little bit of boredom but many revelations.
Thanks be to God.
But this isn't, to me, an indicator that I should go rushing back to social media. No...it's more of an indicator that I need to rediscover what I did before social media.
I've started coaching Zar in Scrabble. That's been fun. She's always wanted to play with me and I just never took the time to teach her the game. It occurs to me that Scrabble is a very communal game. It takes everyone working together, even while working against each other, to keep the game going. Each player has to branch out their words so there's room for game play. And players can steer other players in different directions by their word choices.
And she seems to be picking it up! I offered to coach her with difficult letters but she wanted to try to do it herself (classic 11 year-old) and you know what? She did just fine.
Why didn't I do this earlier? It just goes to show what gets lost when you let something take up SO much time in your life.
I may have even found a way to bond with Annikki (almost 14 year-old teenager extraordinaire). I think this is a teen rule: she can't talk to me out of her mouth...but she can text me. So I've started texting her. Even when we're both in the house. I figure if I meet her where she's at, maybe I can convince her to scoot over toward the middle a little bit :)
41 days to go - but I feel hopeful! I know the anniversary of mom's death is coming up. There will no doubt be lots of reflections from that. But for now, a little bit of boredom but many revelations.
Thanks be to God.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Day 3 - Results
No picture today. Just words. And yes I realize this post is a day late.
I've been thinking a lot about the state of my life lately. Why am I where I am? Why am I not in other places where I want to be?
Of course my present life situation is a result of the choices I've made to this point BUT it's also partially a result of the fact that those choices dictated the future choices I had to make.
Let me give an example.
I'm a single mom. When I was 21 I fell in love with a boy and together we made a baby. Then we realized the implications of our whirlwind romance and everything basically fell apart, but not before we made another baby (another few babies, but that's a whole other story).
So here I am, on my own, two kids. After fussing and fighting I get some child support, although not really commensurate to half of what it takes to raise them. And I have stuff to get done. Bills to pay. A mortgage. A care to maintain. Clothes and food to buy. Field trips to pay for. Hair to be done. Just everything.
And so the choices I could have made became mist and evaporated. I couldn't, say, do a year volunteering or interning in the profession of my choice nor could I backpack around Europe or join the Peace Corps or something like that. I wasn't and still am not mad at that but I do see now that where I sit now is partially because I could not make those types of decisions back them.
So now I am 36. Through many years of 18-hour days, 4-hour nights of sleep and more than a few mental breakdowns, I finished college. And I'm even now planning to go to grad school. But I look at some of the other families in my children's school. The ones who can afford an annual vacation. Or new glasses when old ones get broken. Or even frickin Chuck E. Cheese fundraiser night.
This all makes me look at my life - where every spend means a cut, where God help us if I were injured and could not work - and wonder why it's like this. Why am I always robbing Peter to pay Paul? Why am I always trying to make a dollar of fifteen cents. I make good money. Why am I so damn poor???
Which brings me back to Lent. Because to people who struggle, sacrifice is not some noble endeavor. It's life. Now it doesn't come without resentment. I have plenty of resentment about it. But what good does it do to let that show? It's not going to change anything and it just makes me look like kind of an ass, especially considering the work that I do.
In comparison to women who walk miles for water and spend their days bent over crops to feed their families, my life isn't all that tough, no. But it does wear on my soul. I want to give my children more. And not more in the form of iPhones and the latest sneakers. More like a college fund and a generous gift at their college graduation. More like buying them a house as a wedding gift so they can start new lives debt-free. More like that.
As it stands now, the college part I will take care of. I'm committed to working 8 jobs and selling blood if I have to - my children will NOT take out student loans! I guess that's my source of hope at this point. That I will put everything I have into them and pray they make better choices than I did. And that those choices lead to more appealing and plentiful choices in the future.
I've been thinking a lot about the state of my life lately. Why am I where I am? Why am I not in other places where I want to be?
Of course my present life situation is a result of the choices I've made to this point BUT it's also partially a result of the fact that those choices dictated the future choices I had to make.
Let me give an example.
I'm a single mom. When I was 21 I fell in love with a boy and together we made a baby. Then we realized the implications of our whirlwind romance and everything basically fell apart, but not before we made another baby (another few babies, but that's a whole other story).
So here I am, on my own, two kids. After fussing and fighting I get some child support, although not really commensurate to half of what it takes to raise them. And I have stuff to get done. Bills to pay. A mortgage. A care to maintain. Clothes and food to buy. Field trips to pay for. Hair to be done. Just everything.
And so the choices I could have made became mist and evaporated. I couldn't, say, do a year volunteering or interning in the profession of my choice nor could I backpack around Europe or join the Peace Corps or something like that. I wasn't and still am not mad at that but I do see now that where I sit now is partially because I could not make those types of decisions back them.
So now I am 36. Through many years of 18-hour days, 4-hour nights of sleep and more than a few mental breakdowns, I finished college. And I'm even now planning to go to grad school. But I look at some of the other families in my children's school. The ones who can afford an annual vacation. Or new glasses when old ones get broken. Or even frickin Chuck E. Cheese fundraiser night.
This all makes me look at my life - where every spend means a cut, where God help us if I were injured and could not work - and wonder why it's like this. Why am I always robbing Peter to pay Paul? Why am I always trying to make a dollar of fifteen cents. I make good money. Why am I so damn poor???
Which brings me back to Lent. Because to people who struggle, sacrifice is not some noble endeavor. It's life. Now it doesn't come without resentment. I have plenty of resentment about it. But what good does it do to let that show? It's not going to change anything and it just makes me look like kind of an ass, especially considering the work that I do.
In comparison to women who walk miles for water and spend their days bent over crops to feed their families, my life isn't all that tough, no. But it does wear on my soul. I want to give my children more. And not more in the form of iPhones and the latest sneakers. More like a college fund and a generous gift at their college graduation. More like buying them a house as a wedding gift so they can start new lives debt-free. More like that.
As it stands now, the college part I will take care of. I'm committed to working 8 jobs and selling blood if I have to - my children will NOT take out student loans! I guess that's my source of hope at this point. That I will put everything I have into them and pray they make better choices than I did. And that those choices lead to more appealing and plentiful choices in the future.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Day 2: Late, late and mo' late!
So today's picture is about 6 years in the making. That's because six years ago I graduated, ten years late, from University of Maryland Baltimore County with a bachelor's degree in English. The goal was to figure out how to...um...write and live (did that) and then get into grad school in two years. Well two years later I had bariatric surgery, started a blog and now here we are...six years later and I am finally applying to grad school.
But I believe that God knows what's best. I'm in a much better place to go to school now that I was before. I live relatively near the school. The kids are old enough to fend for themselves a few evenings a week while I'm at class. And, probably most significant, I KNOW what it is I want to do (more on that later). So it's time.
I am purposely not commenting on the holiday that is today. We have a tenuous past at best and not only because I am unmarried. But know that my God calls me to love my neighbor as myself and I strive to do that every day. So I hope you are blessed, today and every day, to know the love of God, the love of family, the joy of vocation and calling.
:)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Day 1: Hot Cross Buns
Today is Ash Wednesday. Day 1 of my Lent journey (which includes my Lent promise). I'm surprisingly zen about this whole Facebook thing. Check back with me in a few days though. I'm sure I'll have an appropriate freak out.
So I thought it'd be cool, since I am documenting my Lenten journey and whatnot, to do sort of a "photo a day" vibe. Except...I don't commit to doing it absolutely every day. Only when I feel like it. K?
I have two photos today (so there's credit for one if I have a lazy day later!). The above is the aforementioned hot cross bun (I admit, I had a bite...too sweet...ick). I think that's an English tradition for Ash Wednesday. Not sure as I personally am not English but my church was founded by English Lutherans (don't ask and don't judge).
It's sort of chewy with bits of dried fruit in it. So it's a cross between a dinner roll, a donut and fruit cake. I'm not so much for real sugar. I just don't like the stuff anymore. So I was good with a bite.
Here's my other picture.
Today is Ash Wednesday. And in church service my pastor mouthed the following words as she traced a sooty path across my forehead. "Beloved child of God, remember you are dust. And to dust you shall return."
I actually have a lot of respect for Ash Wednesday. I'd say I love it but it's not exactly the kind of holiday you love, so much as you can deeply appreciate the meaning behind it.
You are dust, and to dust you shall return. The bible tells us that God formed Adam from the dust (and if we want to get technical he formed Eve from Adam's rib so I personally am bone...but seeing as that bone was from Adam and Adam was from dust...I guess it all works out).
The phrase, the whole holiday is to remind us that we are but humans. We live, we die. And if we live in sin we are subservient to death. Only through God can we find everlasting life.
For non-believers this doesn't make sense because all die, right? In my highly fallible interpretation of this sentiment I observe the world in a mentality that is subservient to death. We want to party like "it's the end of the world." We want to make the most of the night because "we're gonna die young." In these scenarios, in ALL these scenarios, the self is the axis. I need to have fun because I am not getting any younger and I deserve to have a good time before I grow old and die.
But what of others? What portion of the resources you're devoting to the fulfillment of your perceived need is helping anyone but you? And, maybe more important, what portion of those same resources are exploiting others?
But if we believe that God triumphs over death, we are, in a sense, free to embrace one another. We are free to practice kindness and compassion and empathy. We're not running out of time, no! We have plenty of time because God triumphs over death. We don't need to hoard our resources, keep our good times to ourselves. We have the space to share with others.
The ending to the gospel reading today is as it always is. Matthew 6:21 'for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'
I had a lot of folks ask me why would I want to give up social media for Lent. Truth is, I didn't want to. But where my treasure lies, my heart will be also. Does social media promise my eternal salvation? The forgiveness of my sins? Unequivocal, unconditional love? Or does God promise that? I was putting my treasure in the wrong place. And on this first day of trying to move my treasure, even though I know this is a good thing, my heart wants to be there, in the thick of my feed. Posting and sharing and updating and liking. Because I'm going to die young, right? The world may end tomorrow and I won't have had a chance to post my manifesto on Facebook.
Self-discipline is one of the tenets of Lent. I'm not so great at it but I'm going to try. Because I want my treasure to be in love. And I want the people around me, and everyone I interact with to see that love. And when I am gone, I have faith that that love will remain.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Last Day
I feel absolutely ridiculous making such a big deal out of this Facebook thing. I mean, life existed before Facebook.
The only reason I keep posting about it is because as a pro-blogger I've learned people don't see stuff or read it until you've posted many, many, MANY times. And I know there are folks out there who care enough to get worried if I don't respond to posts where they tag me or message me.
For my part, I think I have good plans to use up all that free time!
Firstly, I've gotten back into doing the classes I love at the Y. Can someone PLEASE explain to me why I keep taking exercise hiatuses? Exercise makes my body feel WONDERFUL. Forget the scale. Forget clothing sizes. I'm talking about how I feel. I breathe better, sleep better, food is more satisfying, I have more energy and my mood is better when I exercise. So why do I keep stopping? (#GreatMysteriesOfLife).
In other news, today is Pancake Tuesday (Shrove Tuesday), an occasion I feel should be marked with a special trip to Denny's wherein I will NOT eat pancakes. I was going to make some at home but you know what? I just don't feel like it and I'm not even that crazy about pancakes anyway. I'll probably have an omelet and be in heaven.
I'm keeping this blog post short but I wanted to end it on a serious note. I am praying for the girls' cousin James Murray III (Trey). I don't know all the details but he was stabbed in the neck yesterday and went into emergency surgery and is now recovering in the ICU. He's only 14. I remember when he was a baby. I haven't kept up with him much since then but no child should face such a horrific act of violence and no parent should have to sit outside an operating room waiting to hear if their child will live or die. It makes my heart hurt to just think about that so:
The only reason I keep posting about it is because as a pro-blogger I've learned people don't see stuff or read it until you've posted many, many, MANY times. And I know there are folks out there who care enough to get worried if I don't respond to posts where they tag me or message me.
For my part, I think I have good plans to use up all that free time!
Firstly, I've gotten back into doing the classes I love at the Y. Can someone PLEASE explain to me why I keep taking exercise hiatuses? Exercise makes my body feel WONDERFUL. Forget the scale. Forget clothing sizes. I'm talking about how I feel. I breathe better, sleep better, food is more satisfying, I have more energy and my mood is better when I exercise. So why do I keep stopping? (#GreatMysteriesOfLife).
In other news, today is Pancake Tuesday (Shrove Tuesday), an occasion I feel should be marked with a special trip to Denny's wherein I will NOT eat pancakes. I was going to make some at home but you know what? I just don't feel like it and I'm not even that crazy about pancakes anyway. I'll probably have an omelet and be in heaven.
I'm keeping this blog post short but I wanted to end it on a serious note. I am praying for the girls' cousin James Murray III (Trey). I don't know all the details but he was stabbed in the neck yesterday and went into emergency surgery and is now recovering in the ICU. He's only 14. I remember when he was a baby. I haven't kept up with him much since then but no child should face such a horrific act of violence and no parent should have to sit outside an operating room waiting to hear if their child will live or die. It makes my heart hurt to just think about that so:
God of healing
You are with us each day, all the time, in all things
Be with Trey and his family
bless the hands of those who care for him
And work your love into the hearts of those who harmed him
that they may know your mercy and grace
and that they may study war no more
in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ
who died on a cross for our salvation
AMEN
Friday, February 08, 2013
Whilst I am away...
So I got this really brilliant idea.
Since I’m doing this social media hiatus for Lent, I thought
it might be fun to set forth some goals to achieve while I am “away” that I can
report back on when I “come back.”
Plus, I like making goals. It makes me feel like I’m participating
in my life.
Here goes. By the time I come back to social media (and for
the record I don’t consider this blog social media per se…because hardly anyone
reads it and I do truly use it as a diary…so I don’t pimp posts and whatnot),
it is my goal to have:
- Mind: Applied to and be accepted into the Master of Fine Arts in Contemporary Communications program at the College of Notre Dame of Maryland
- Body: Increased my running endurance to five miles (currently…if I push it…I can do four…but that’s on a day when I really ate my Wheaties. Three is a triumph for me at this point.)
- Spirit: Written a reflection diary chronicling my Lenten experiment that includes some scriptural devotions.
So there ya go. Three goals. I’m hoping working on these
will keep me occupied. I am really starting to get nervous about this whole
thing. Which means I am doing precisely what I am supposed to be doing.
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
"She wants to do WHAT???"
Every year I make a Lent promise (also known as a Lent
sacrifice or Lenten fast). The concept behind it is pretty simple. Jesus gave
up his life for my sins, so I can give up something for the 40 days of Lent
(which are modeled after the 40 days of temptation that Jesus spent in the
wilderness).
I’ll admit: I don’t know the historical background of Lent
promises (I even tried to look it up and The Google is even vague on the
subject), but like most things humans do in an attempt to be interpretive, the practice
has more personal benefit than anything else. Usually I contemplate what I will
give up and I gravitate toward something. In the practice of giving it up, I
end up learning a lot about myself and sometimes forming new and better habits.
There is, of course, also a practice of doing extra things instead of sacrificing something. To me, that’s all good and fine. But I kind of strive to do those things anyway. I donate money, time, my talents when the opportunities arise (although it’s probably not as much as I should). Personally, I feel like sacrifice teaches me a lot and puts my mind in a spiritually receptive place.
So…cutting to the chase. This year I feel called to give up social media for Lent. Obviously since I’m knee deep in a big, persnickety contest on Bariatric Foodie I cannot simply disappear. But as Nikki, I can. And I think I’m going to.
And you’d think I said I’d be injecting myself with the AIDS
virus from some of the responses I’ve gotten! Some friends showed mild concern,
others expressed they’d miss me. But I’ve gotten messages to the effect of, “But
you can’t!!!” (Um, yes I can. I truly can.) In thinking about this, I’ve even
sketched out how this is going to work.
On Ash Wednesday, February 13, I begin. At that time I’m going
to pin a status update to the top of my profile explaining what I am doing. By
then I hope to have gotten my phone number to the folks who actually would need
it during that time. I end my Lent promise on Easter Sunday, March 31.
Like I said, I’ll still be around doing Bariatric Foodie
stuff, but ask friends and family to respect that space. No messaging me there
like, “Tee-hee, I know you’re not Facebooking but I just wanted to ask what you
thought about Phaedra’s donkey booty video…” Yeah. No. None of that. A good
rule of thumb: if it’s something you would post on Bariatric Foodie’s Facebook Wall
even if I were around, green light. If no, red light. If in doubt, don’t do it!
And this is NOT a move to be separatist. For me the changes
in my personality as a result of the social media culture in which we live are
unacceptable. It’s unacceptable that I find myself Facebooking when I should be
talking to my children. It’s unacceptable that I find myself checking it while
in the car…DRIVING. It’s unacceptable that there is family I only speak with
over social media. It’s unacceptable that the only conversation I’ve had with
my grandma in the last six months is through her responding to my status
updates.
So this is not to separate, but to unite. It’s not an
admonishment of social media as a whole, but it’s increasingly
counterproductive role in MY life.
So with that, let the countdown begin. Will it be hard? Yes
it will! Lent promises aren’t supposed to be easy but this is THE most
challenging one I’ve attempted so far. I have no idea what I’ll do with all
that extra time I spend posting and replying. I think that’s where the “adding
something” component could come in handy. Maybe I’ll volunteer. Maybe I’ll
finish this manuscript I’ve been kicking around for four years. Maybe I’ll read
the entire bible. Who knows?
But I can’t know…unless I try.
So please understand, friends. I’m not doing this TO you, but FOR me. And I think I’ll come out the other side better.
So please understand, friends. I’m not doing this TO you, but FOR me. And I think I’ll come out the other side better.
Friday, February 01, 2013
Men on Dating Websites
Men on dating sites...seem to love this picture of me!
Today's diatribe: men on dating websites.
Men on dating websites.
Men...on dating websites.
Oh...you men. See, in the beginning I took these sites seriously (And by "these sites" I mean free sites. I'm sure eHarmony doesn't have half as many crazies and if there are then eHarmony has like a cabillionty-seven dimensions of compatibility to match them up with a woman just as crazy as their crazy ass). Nowadays, I use the sites to study. Yes, I study men. It seems increasingly likely that I will neither marry nor give birth to one, so I get my study subjects where I can, ok???
So if you are on Zoosk, or Yahoo Dating, or Craigslist and ESPECIALLY if you are on POF, men...can I offer a bit of advice?
- If you are looking for a woman of quality, write something of quality on your profile. We read that shit. You may not, but we do. And we use that shit to determine if we want to deal with your shit. So take that shit seriously.
- Photos. The following are unacceptable to any woman of quality. Photos of you with: your children (Do you not value their safety??? There are some freakazoids on these sites!), another woman (Hint: we don't know that's your sister/cousin/best friend. To us it's a chick you're with in a picture). You with some other dude with no caption (cuz I don't know which one is you and unless you both look interesting, you may get passed over), you looking like you're having some "me time" (you know what I'm talking about). And my personal pet peeve: baller pictures. Ok, you rode a jet ski. Someone served you a glass of champagne while you happened to be wearing a suit or tuxedo. You went to a beach. So what?
- Photos. The following are highly appealing to women of quality. Close ups or tight shots that show something of your personality. Even faux attempts at in-depth photography taken on Instagram. Goofy pictures (that are intentionally goofy). These show INTENT. You thought about what you wanted in that picture and executed. That is a good sign.
- Your self-description. For the love of everything good and holy please refrain from the following key-words, "Laid back, romantic or affectionate." These are all things best shown, not told. And instead of re-iterating what the site TOLD you to say? Speak to me. Tell me about you. DO NOT say "If you want to know something just ask." I don't know what I want to know about you. I don't even know if I want to know what I want to know about you. So throw me a line here. You obviously think yourself interesting enough that a woman should get to know you. Prove it.
- Your first message to me. Don't just say hi. What do I do with that? In practice, most of the time I just say hi back. And nothing ever happens. Or the next message is "Can I get your phone number so we can go out sometime?" No, you cannot because a) I value my safety b) I don't know if I like you or am going to and, unlike you, I consider my time valuable and c) no...just no. Also, DO NOT message me a pick-up line. They barely sound cute coming out of your mouth. In print I don't have the benefit of your good looks or well chosen cologne to help me out. I simply press "delete." I will make one exception. If you come with something bold AND can back it up? You will get respect from me. Maybe not any further communication but definitely respect. One devastatingly hot guy (if his pictures can be trusted) once messaged me "You have nice tits." Then had the nerve to have a very well written profile and was, as aforementioned devastatingly hot (if his pictures can be trusted). I didn't message back because...well...I didn't want to come off as THAT type of girl...but still. Props. But unless you are hot beyond all belief you don't get to do that. So don't do it.
And if anybody (but especially men on dating sites) read this blog I could anticipate the backlash:
"You're just bitter."
"That's why you don't have a man."
"You just need to get some."
Ok, firstly, no I'm not bitter. I just needed an outlet for the riduculosity (yes, I did just make up that word) that is the online dating world. But make no mistake I love it. I love the turnover in guys I experience (I get bored quickly). I love the attention (see the above pic as an example of what's on MY profile). I love playing word ping-pong. I especially love it when I confound a dumb guy with intelligent words. I. Love. Online. Dating. But it is batshit crazy and I have to have somewhere to talk about it.
Secondly, I don't have a man by choice. I could have several at this very moment but...yeah...no. Mostly because I like them all too much to subject them to a relationship with me. I don't say that to say I am a horrible person but I am fairly high maintenance. And stubborn. And set in my ways. And there's this whole problem I have with fidelity. Yeah. Most of the guys who are interested in me are good guys who deserve good girls who will be faithful and true and yadda, yadda. I'm a big believer in "if you can't commit, don't go there." So I am not.
The last statement is probably the most likely to be true. But I have a teenaged daughter and a pre-teenaged daughter so I feel like I should be a bit more sexually responsible than I have been in days past. As such, I have to limit my extra-curricular activities. Sad, I know. But I honestly don't think that has much bearing on my feelings about men on dating websites. I think it makes me a better jogger (that energy has to go somewhere) but men on dating sites...nah. You don't get that energy.
So anyway, this has been yet another Nikki diatribe.
Next blog post (whenever that should happen to happen) will be about the fact that I am seriously considering giving up social media for Lent. Yeah. Once you stop laughing we can discuss.
