Friday, August 22, 2008
Are you lucky, fortunate or blessed?
I have a friend who, when I talk to him about good things that could happen in life, always responds, “if I’m lucky.” I know this is just a catch phrase…one of those things that you say without even really thinking about it but I think that it says something about his belief system. So that got me to thinking about my beliefs when it comes to being lucky.
Luck is defined by Miriam-Webster as “producing or resulting in good by chance.” So to believe in luck is to believe that things—good or bad—happen by chance…that there is no order, rhyme or reason to the events that take place in your life. Essentially you are at the mercy of a nothingness in which, on any given day, something could go right or something could go wrong. If something goes right you’re lucky. I can definitely say I don’t believe in luck. I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens. Sometimes it’s not meant for us to know the reason and so we call it random because we’ll never understand it. But there was a reason. I’ll talk below about why it’s important to me to acknowledge that.
The word fortunate (again, definition supplied by the good folks at Miriam-Webster) is defined as “bringing some good thing not foreseen as certain.” So to believe in being fortunate one could believe in a random order or one could believe in pre-destination (or any of the schools of thought in between). To be fortunate means to recognize something good that you didn’t think you were getting. I don’t know about being fortunate. Seems awfully one sided to me. To say someone has been fortunate is to recognize only the things in one’s life that are perceived as good. It does not take into account things that you may not immediately (or ever) perceive as good that ultimately work for your greater good. But the line on being fortunate is fuzzy—I can’t tell who might belong to this “club.”
To be blessed is defined as “bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune.” Hmmmm…that one sounds a little shaky too. But I’d like to call your attention to the third word of that definition: contentment. It refers to the state of being content, which is defined as “feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.” Now first I have to say that I am a bit prejudiced because I absolutely believe in being blessed. What I like about the meaning of the word blessed is that it is encompassing of the many ways we can come upon a bless-ing. A blessing is not always wrapped up in a pretty box. It doesn’t always look like something good. This is where the “everything happens for a reason” mindset comes in. If we look at every situation we are in and we accept that for some reason this has happened to us, to me that is comforting. To know that I am not the subject of some random order of events and that everything that happens to me has a purpose.
I’ll give you an example. This past spring I was in a car accident. A guy rear-ended me on the highway sending me careening into a car in front of me. Destroyed my beloved mini-van (sigh…I loved that van) and gave me a nasty case of whip lash and an injured shoulder. For some reason that happened to me. I didn’t know why and, yes, I was very stressed out about it.
Every year I worry and I wonder about how I will pay my children’s school tuition. I felt called (we’ll talk about feeling called later) to take them out of the failing public school system and put them into parochial school. Each year has been a struggle to keep up with tuition but none more than this year. Utility rates have gone up, my mortgage interest rate is way up. It seems I’m swimming in debt and I barely spend any money. It took me until the end of July to pay off last year’s tuition. I didn’t know how I was going to do it this year. I did not withdraw them from school though. Something would come through, I just knew it would.
Following my accident I retained a lawyer because the insurance company of the guy who hit me was giving me the major run around. I needed medical care for my neck and shoulders and I was just confused. My lawyer handled all the logistics of getting me into physical therapy and getting the money to replace my car. After my therapy was over I didn’t hear from him for a long time. Just this last week he called and told me the insurance company offered me a settlement of a couple thousand dollars for my accident. Just in time to pay the tuition for my girl’s school.
That could be random, I suppose, if you believe in randomness. I believe in blessings. So you might say that I was blessed to be in that accident. It was a scary, horrible experience that I don’t wish to repeat but it had a purpose in my life. It kept me going on the path that I feel my higher power wants me to go. Staying on that path creates in me a sense of contentment. See how that works?
So next time you go to use the phrase “lucky” think about that. Are you lucky, fortunate, or blessed? More importantly, do you know how to tell the difference?
Luck is defined by Miriam-Webster as “producing or resulting in good by chance.” So to believe in luck is to believe that things—good or bad—happen by chance…that there is no order, rhyme or reason to the events that take place in your life. Essentially you are at the mercy of a nothingness in which, on any given day, something could go right or something could go wrong. If something goes right you’re lucky. I can definitely say I don’t believe in luck. I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens. Sometimes it’s not meant for us to know the reason and so we call it random because we’ll never understand it. But there was a reason. I’ll talk below about why it’s important to me to acknowledge that.
The word fortunate (again, definition supplied by the good folks at Miriam-Webster) is defined as “bringing some good thing not foreseen as certain.” So to believe in being fortunate one could believe in a random order or one could believe in pre-destination (or any of the schools of thought in between). To be fortunate means to recognize something good that you didn’t think you were getting. I don’t know about being fortunate. Seems awfully one sided to me. To say someone has been fortunate is to recognize only the things in one’s life that are perceived as good. It does not take into account things that you may not immediately (or ever) perceive as good that ultimately work for your greater good. But the line on being fortunate is fuzzy—I can’t tell who might belong to this “club.”
To be blessed is defined as “bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune.” Hmmmm…that one sounds a little shaky too. But I’d like to call your attention to the third word of that definition: contentment. It refers to the state of being content, which is defined as “feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.” Now first I have to say that I am a bit prejudiced because I absolutely believe in being blessed. What I like about the meaning of the word blessed is that it is encompassing of the many ways we can come upon a bless-ing. A blessing is not always wrapped up in a pretty box. It doesn’t always look like something good. This is where the “everything happens for a reason” mindset comes in. If we look at every situation we are in and we accept that for some reason this has happened to us, to me that is comforting. To know that I am not the subject of some random order of events and that everything that happens to me has a purpose.
I’ll give you an example. This past spring I was in a car accident. A guy rear-ended me on the highway sending me careening into a car in front of me. Destroyed my beloved mini-van (sigh…I loved that van) and gave me a nasty case of whip lash and an injured shoulder. For some reason that happened to me. I didn’t know why and, yes, I was very stressed out about it.
Every year I worry and I wonder about how I will pay my children’s school tuition. I felt called (we’ll talk about feeling called later) to take them out of the failing public school system and put them into parochial school. Each year has been a struggle to keep up with tuition but none more than this year. Utility rates have gone up, my mortgage interest rate is way up. It seems I’m swimming in debt and I barely spend any money. It took me until the end of July to pay off last year’s tuition. I didn’t know how I was going to do it this year. I did not withdraw them from school though. Something would come through, I just knew it would.
Following my accident I retained a lawyer because the insurance company of the guy who hit me was giving me the major run around. I needed medical care for my neck and shoulders and I was just confused. My lawyer handled all the logistics of getting me into physical therapy and getting the money to replace my car. After my therapy was over I didn’t hear from him for a long time. Just this last week he called and told me the insurance company offered me a settlement of a couple thousand dollars for my accident. Just in time to pay the tuition for my girl’s school.
That could be random, I suppose, if you believe in randomness. I believe in blessings. So you might say that I was blessed to be in that accident. It was a scary, horrible experience that I don’t wish to repeat but it had a purpose in my life. It kept me going on the path that I feel my higher power wants me to go. Staying on that path creates in me a sense of contentment. See how that works?
So next time you go to use the phrase “lucky” think about that. Are you lucky, fortunate, or blessed? More importantly, do you know how to tell the difference?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Strange and Macabre...
Field Report: Strange things are happening to us over here. I just ate cottage cheese…and I think I liked it. Earlier this week my children reveled in a spinach salad prepared Cesar style (each salad with a full cup of spinach and a mere tablespoon of dressing) topped with Parmesan crusted chicken breast. And…even scarier still…it is just past noon and I’ve already drank 60 oz. of water!!!! I’m a little afraid. My greatest fear may have been realized. I may have transformed into…a HEALTH NUT!!!
Seriously people…just checking in. After my experience last week with “that-guy” (who I ran into at the supermarket a couple of days later by the way), I really feel sucky whining the way I was. For real…stalls happen. It’s a part of any weight loss process and especially of RNY so I should just get over it and keep living.
This weekend I am going out of town with the “kinda-sorta” boyfriend. I say kinda-sorta because we’ve been careful about labels and expectations. But do you define a relationship by what you call it out of your mouth or by how you live it? Hmmmm…that was deep. Anyway, we’re meeting his family for his brother’s graduation. My first meeting with the family. I’m a little nervous but at the same time I’m me. I know how fabulous I am so really is there need to worry??? On a dimmer note, for this event I had to leave my mom hanging for her yard sale (which, to my credit, was rescheduled to this week AFTER I made these plans).
Not much else new to report. Almost time for back-to-school. Trying to get my finances out of HELL before the Christmas season. And of course…I always need my chill time. Hope your summer is coming to a blissful close too.
Seriously people…just checking in. After my experience last week with “that-guy” (who I ran into at the supermarket a couple of days later by the way), I really feel sucky whining the way I was. For real…stalls happen. It’s a part of any weight loss process and especially of RNY so I should just get over it and keep living.
This weekend I am going out of town with the “kinda-sorta” boyfriend. I say kinda-sorta because we’ve been careful about labels and expectations. But do you define a relationship by what you call it out of your mouth or by how you live it? Hmmmm…that was deep. Anyway, we’re meeting his family for his brother’s graduation. My first meeting with the family. I’m a little nervous but at the same time I’m me. I know how fabulous I am so really is there need to worry??? On a dimmer note, for this event I had to leave my mom hanging for her yard sale (which, to my credit, was rescheduled to this week AFTER I made these plans).
Not much else new to report. Almost time for back-to-school. Trying to get my finances out of HELL before the Christmas season. And of course…I always need my chill time. Hope your summer is coming to a blissful close too.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
"That Guy"
Ladies…yesterday at the gym I ran into THAT guy. You know who that guy is. The one from high school that every girl dreamed about. The name that was doodled on the inside of every girl (and a few boy’s) notebooks. The one who, when he walked by, time seemed to stop. Yeah…I ran into THAT guy…and he’s just as dreamy as he was in high school.
Thing about that guy though is that he is super nice. In high school all the girls were after him (physically as well as in love) and he managed to maintain his chastity for quite some time. Anyway, I mention this because he told me a story that brought home to me why I am so blessed to have had this operation.
In high school there was this friend of ours who was super morbid obese. I mean like in the 5-600 lbs. range. She was sassy though. I remember she openly expressed her desire for all the cute guys in school, asked them out and everything. She had personality for days and was the nicest girl you could ever want to meet. We were really good friends in high school and I even went to junior prom with her brother.
Anyway…That-guy tells me that our school had a reunion about two years ago (I had no idea) and that she was there. She reminded him that he was supposed to take her on a date back in high school and said he still owes her that date. At the time he was seeing someone so he said he’d spend the day with her but as friends. She agreed and he said he spent a wonderful day with her and her family. At the end of the date she, of course, tried to solicit him (if you know what I mean) and he reiterated that he had a girlfriend but he did agree to a kiss. Now knowing her the way I did in high school I know that kiss probably made her day, month, year, lifetime. He said she was still big but had lost a little bit of weight since high school. Sadly, about two weeks later a friend of hers called him to let him know she’d passed away from a heart attack.
You should have seen the sparkle in his eye when he talked about his day with her. He said he felt so blessed to spend that time with her and to have known her. He went to the funeral and all. It just brought home to me how fortunate I am. Even with the stalls, even with the frustration, the restriction, the dumping, the replacement addictions, the self obsession…I have been given a chance at a new life. I am healthier and stronger and if I do live a long life I am almost sure it is because of the decision to change my life the way I have. So in her memory I pushed it a little harder in my workout…and gave a prayer of thanks for my RNY.
Thing about that guy though is that he is super nice. In high school all the girls were after him (physically as well as in love) and he managed to maintain his chastity for quite some time. Anyway, I mention this because he told me a story that brought home to me why I am so blessed to have had this operation.
In high school there was this friend of ours who was super morbid obese. I mean like in the 5-600 lbs. range. She was sassy though. I remember she openly expressed her desire for all the cute guys in school, asked them out and everything. She had personality for days and was the nicest girl you could ever want to meet. We were really good friends in high school and I even went to junior prom with her brother.
Anyway…That-guy tells me that our school had a reunion about two years ago (I had no idea) and that she was there. She reminded him that he was supposed to take her on a date back in high school and said he still owes her that date. At the time he was seeing someone so he said he’d spend the day with her but as friends. She agreed and he said he spent a wonderful day with her and her family. At the end of the date she, of course, tried to solicit him (if you know what I mean) and he reiterated that he had a girlfriend but he did agree to a kiss. Now knowing her the way I did in high school I know that kiss probably made her day, month, year, lifetime. He said she was still big but had lost a little bit of weight since high school. Sadly, about two weeks later a friend of hers called him to let him know she’d passed away from a heart attack.
You should have seen the sparkle in his eye when he talked about his day with her. He said he felt so blessed to spend that time with her and to have known her. He went to the funeral and all. It just brought home to me how fortunate I am. Even with the stalls, even with the frustration, the restriction, the dumping, the replacement addictions, the self obsession…I have been given a chance at a new life. I am healthier and stronger and if I do live a long life I am almost sure it is because of the decision to change my life the way I have. So in her memory I pushed it a little harder in my workout…and gave a prayer of thanks for my RNY.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Stalls and Catharsis
Pre-Surgery Weight: 327
Current Weight: I don’t wanna talk about it
Weight lost: Don’t go there
I’ve hit my first major stall and I must admit it’s having an affect on my psyche. Mind you, I’ve hit some mini-stalls before, although I wonder to myself whether those were, in fact stalls, or just the product of me weighing myself too much. At any rate, this one is real. The scale is being stubborn. It will not budge no matter how much I beg, plead, cry, or throw temper tantrums. Anyone who has been through this experience before knows that it causes you to start to analyze (and I’d argue over-analyze) everything you do and eat, looking for something…ANYTHING we can change to get the loss going again.
Compounding this difficult time for me is the fact that my life stability seems to be crumbling like dry rotted plaster around me. If I were on the outside looking in, perhaps I could find some divine humor in the peculiar situation that is my life, but right now it’s very not funny. I made the mistake of depending on child support to carry me through then month and again I was disappointed. This time at least I had good reason to think it would come through. It had for five whole months during which I suspiciously snatched the checks out of the mailbox and cashed them as soon as possible. This month, I thought, I can relax a bit. The check will come…everything will be ok. I paid some other bills that I would not have normally paid and put my energy into having faith. Well…that was a mistake. The check came…and it was $17. So now not only am I broke but my checks are bouncing like rubber all around the city. You live, you learn, you move on I suppose.
But I don’t want that to be the focus of this whole post. I refuse to dedicate a whole post to my negative feelings. So let’s talk for a moment about a few good things going on.
First and foremost, I am trying to keep active. This isn’t easy for several reasons. I love working out…getting the motivation to go work out is another matter entirely. Once I’m there I really get into it though. I have found that I can run on the treadmill at 4.5 miles per hour for 10 minutes! When I first started out I was walking at 3.0 and could not run, so I’m very pleased with that progress. Also, my muscle mass is increasing as evidenced by the fact that I do NOT float in the pool anymore. I sink right down to the bottom. Well, most of me anyway.
And I can walk among the normal without attracting too much attention. I traveled to Chicago for the Lutheran Communicators Conference this past week and was able to sit at a large table full of people each night and eat a “me-size” meal without attracting too much attention. I met a good friend there named Cynta, who lives in Pennsylvania. We hung out together a lot during the conference and commiserated as our respective flights were pushed further and further back on our last day there.
And fall is coming. I’m one that really appreciates the change in seasons. It’s necessary, I think, to balance things out. Much as I LOVE summer…it’s time for it to end. It’s time for some cooler weather. It’s time for it to get dark earlier, to draw people back into their houses and into their families. It’s time to bake apples and roast beef. It’s time to do homework with my children and enjoy eight hours of sleep a night. I’m looking forward to all that and of course the strict schedule that comes along with it. I need to feel reigned in especially during this time when I feel unsuccessful at so many things. It’ll be good to just have some change.
Current Weight: I don’t wanna talk about it
Weight lost: Don’t go there
I’ve hit my first major stall and I must admit it’s having an affect on my psyche. Mind you, I’ve hit some mini-stalls before, although I wonder to myself whether those were, in fact stalls, or just the product of me weighing myself too much. At any rate, this one is real. The scale is being stubborn. It will not budge no matter how much I beg, plead, cry, or throw temper tantrums. Anyone who has been through this experience before knows that it causes you to start to analyze (and I’d argue over-analyze) everything you do and eat, looking for something…ANYTHING we can change to get the loss going again.
Compounding this difficult time for me is the fact that my life stability seems to be crumbling like dry rotted plaster around me. If I were on the outside looking in, perhaps I could find some divine humor in the peculiar situation that is my life, but right now it’s very not funny. I made the mistake of depending on child support to carry me through then month and again I was disappointed. This time at least I had good reason to think it would come through. It had for five whole months during which I suspiciously snatched the checks out of the mailbox and cashed them as soon as possible. This month, I thought, I can relax a bit. The check will come…everything will be ok. I paid some other bills that I would not have normally paid and put my energy into having faith. Well…that was a mistake. The check came…and it was $17. So now not only am I broke but my checks are bouncing like rubber all around the city. You live, you learn, you move on I suppose.
But I don’t want that to be the focus of this whole post. I refuse to dedicate a whole post to my negative feelings. So let’s talk for a moment about a few good things going on.
First and foremost, I am trying to keep active. This isn’t easy for several reasons. I love working out…getting the motivation to go work out is another matter entirely. Once I’m there I really get into it though. I have found that I can run on the treadmill at 4.5 miles per hour for 10 minutes! When I first started out I was walking at 3.0 and could not run, so I’m very pleased with that progress. Also, my muscle mass is increasing as evidenced by the fact that I do NOT float in the pool anymore. I sink right down to the bottom. Well, most of me anyway.
And I can walk among the normal without attracting too much attention. I traveled to Chicago for the Lutheran Communicators Conference this past week and was able to sit at a large table full of people each night and eat a “me-size” meal without attracting too much attention. I met a good friend there named Cynta, who lives in Pennsylvania. We hung out together a lot during the conference and commiserated as our respective flights were pushed further and further back on our last day there.
And fall is coming. I’m one that really appreciates the change in seasons. It’s necessary, I think, to balance things out. Much as I LOVE summer…it’s time for it to end. It’s time for some cooler weather. It’s time for it to get dark earlier, to draw people back into their houses and into their families. It’s time to bake apples and roast beef. It’s time to do homework with my children and enjoy eight hours of sleep a night. I’m looking forward to all that and of course the strict schedule that comes along with it. I need to feel reigned in especially during this time when I feel unsuccessful at so many things. It’ll be good to just have some change.
