Thursday, October 19, 2006
Neo-Soulgasm
At the risk of sounding like a schoolgirl...I'm just going to come out and say it.
I am totally in love with John Legend.
And I don't mean "watch him from afar and stare in hopeless adoration" love. I mean, when I look at his lips singing and I imagine them playing WWF with my lips. This is strange for me because usually I am attracted to men so dark that you can't see them at night.
So I know that I will never meet John and I'm o.k. with that. I am grateful, however, that when someone asks me what kind of man I am looking for, I can pull up the footage of him singing at Royal Albert Hall and say, "dar he." (shiver, shiver)
I admitted my love to my friend Laura today at lunch and she actually said she knew I was going to say John Legend. Am I that transparent? Since I'm bordering on harping on this man, perhaps I should list his most redeeming qualities and be done with it before you guys revoke my snarky license forever:
1. Mr. Legend (no epithets because we are talking about a man honey. No...scratch that. This occasion calls for a Southern accent. We talkin' bout a mayun huney) carries himself with such elegance and poise that you can tell he was raised right and that altho his mama had to whoop his little fine ass a few times, he learned from it.
2. He really loves music. And not just hip-hop and this saccharin that people (who will remain unnamed) are trying to pass off for R&B (MJB and VG excluded of course). You can tell he had some Marvin in his life. You can tell he had some Smokey in his life. You can tell he had some Etta in his life and some Billie in his life and Diana in his life. Can you tell he had Al Green in his life? Or some Barry White and Luther Vandross? Hell, with this new song you can even tell he had some Burt Baccarat and Frank Sinatra in his life. The man makes musak. Musak is when you can take the vocals out and there is still a song. You can take the instrumental out and leave the voice and there is still a SONG. Do y'all hear the words that are comin' out of my mouth? Whew.
3. He has the good goddamn sense to stay far away from the paparazzi. I don't know who he's with (and don't want to because I [twitch, twithc]. love. him. ok?) or where he is at every waking moment. The most insight I've gotten into his behind the scenes life was the vision of his momma in her church hat at the Grammy's and I'm ok with that. Reality John Legend would get in the way of the man in my head who I've invented and love so much.
So anyway, that's my love spiel. I had to get it out before I spontaneously combusted.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go to Sam's Club and pick up 24 Madagascar cupcakes now.
I am totally in love with John Legend.
And I don't mean "watch him from afar and stare in hopeless adoration" love. I mean, when I look at his lips singing and I imagine them playing WWF with my lips. This is strange for me because usually I am attracted to men so dark that you can't see them at night.
So I know that I will never meet John and I'm o.k. with that. I am grateful, however, that when someone asks me what kind of man I am looking for, I can pull up the footage of him singing at Royal Albert Hall and say, "dar he." (shiver, shiver)
I admitted my love to my friend Laura today at lunch and she actually said she knew I was going to say John Legend. Am I that transparent? Since I'm bordering on harping on this man, perhaps I should list his most redeeming qualities and be done with it before you guys revoke my snarky license forever:
1. Mr. Legend (no epithets because we are talking about a man honey. No...scratch that. This occasion calls for a Southern accent. We talkin' bout a mayun huney) carries himself with such elegance and poise that you can tell he was raised right and that altho his mama had to whoop his little fine ass a few times, he learned from it.
2. He really loves music. And not just hip-hop and this saccharin that people (who will remain unnamed) are trying to pass off for R&B (MJB and VG excluded of course). You can tell he had some Marvin in his life. You can tell he had some Smokey in his life. You can tell he had some Etta in his life and some Billie in his life and Diana in his life. Can you tell he had Al Green in his life? Or some Barry White and Luther Vandross? Hell, with this new song you can even tell he had some Burt Baccarat and Frank Sinatra in his life. The man makes musak. Musak is when you can take the vocals out and there is still a song. You can take the instrumental out and leave the voice and there is still a SONG. Do y'all hear the words that are comin' out of my mouth? Whew.
3. He has the good goddamn sense to stay far away from the paparazzi. I don't know who he's with (and don't want to because I [twitch, twithc]. love. him. ok?) or where he is at every waking moment. The most insight I've gotten into his behind the scenes life was the vision of his momma in her church hat at the Grammy's and I'm ok with that. Reality John Legend would get in the way of the man in my head who I've invented and love so much.
So anyway, that's my love spiel. I had to get it out before I spontaneously combusted.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go to Sam's Club and pick up 24 Madagascar cupcakes now.
