Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Soapbox Rantings
You know what really ticks me off? The child support system in Maryland. Now before I go into my gripes about the system and its ills, let me first address some common rebuttals that I hear whenever I bring up the subject. First, I know that by either a) getting a divorce or b) having a child out of wedlock, I placed myself in a situation where I’d be more likely to have to deal with these problems, but with the same mouth that traditionalists use to condemn us single parents, they also complain about their hard earned tax dollars being wasted. It would seem to follow (in my addled brain at least) that those same folks would want to see something done about the system because the aftermath of its ineffectiveness is not only frustrated parents but unsupported children, some of whom end up receiving welfare taken from those very same tax dollars over which the traditionalists lament. So, let’s just get that argument out of the way. Moving on.
So, what bugs me so much about the child support system? Well, a number of things but for the sake of your eyes and my fingers, I’ll stick to one big concern: many children are not being supported!!! So you ask yourself, how can this be? There are laws in place? There’s a whole government office dedicated to making sure that children are supported by their parents. Well, newsflash: it ain’t happening. With regards to custodial parents who utilize Child Support Enforcement services, two categories can be distinguished: those who are also receiving state aid (welfare) and those who are not. The first group has to file a claim for child support against the non-custodial parent, they do not have a choice because it is a requirement of the state welfare system. Without being flamed for eternity by right-wing conservatives, I’ll say that I honestly think these parents are getting the shaft. Think about it. If we assume that for each child both parents are equally responsible for the child’s needs and to financially support the child, then we can say that each parent is 50% responsible for financial support. A parent applies for welfare because they cannot meet their 50% obligation. During that process, they are forced to bring a case against the non-custodial parent for child support, which the state then withholds from the custodial parent in order to reimburse itself for the support given to the custodial parent. Now, maybe I’m retarded, but doesn’t that mean that children of people on welfare are only really supported by one parent? Take a minute….yeah. Right wings would have you believe that welfare mothers are living on lobster and steak and driving Lexuses but here in Maryland I know that the welfare people stay on your ass. I have a friend who had to be on food stamps who was afraid to have direct deposit of her paychecks (which she declared to welfare) for fear of losing her benefits. So, while I’m sure some people are getting over on the system, I don’t think that should be the underlying assumption of child support policy.
But in an even poorer position is those parents who do work, who don’t receive state benefits and who hold the increasingly unrealistic expectation that because they did not make their child alone, they should not have to support the child alone. Poor, deluded schlubs. In my experience, if the state gets to recoup welfare costs through child support, they pursue the father doggedly if they don’t get their money. All their money. On time and in full. For parents who have child support orders who and are not receiving state benefits, the story goes a little differently. It takes a lot longer to get the system to discipline a non-custodial parent for non-payment. I’ll use my story as an example, but I’ve heard many others. The father of my two daughters is a waiter. He was a waiter when I met him eight years ago and has remained a waiter through the birth of our two children, our break-up and the conception of two more children with another woman. As we should all know, waiters don’t make that much on the books. It is not uncommon to find a waiter that makes $3 an hour on the books. Most of their money comes from tips and they only have to report a percentage of their tip wages as taxable income. I have a child support order against him and he is supposed to pay $325 a month (the court decided that since I made the decision to be responsible and have a job that adequately supports myself and my children that I should be responsible for 70% of their income and that he should be responsible for 30%). After a few months of non-payment they started to deduct this money from his paycheck. Well, according to the Maryland Child Support Enforcement Office, his job has 60 days to submit payment to them. Unfortunately, I don’t have that very lenient deadline for feeding the children but that’s not the bigger problem. The job has 60 days not to submit payment in full but a payment. This keeps the case out of what they call “enforcement” status. Well, his job has been submitting payments every month as they are supposed to. The first one was for $11.46, the second, $7.13, and the most recent one was $12.46. Yes, ladies and gentleman for a reasonable $31.05, a non-custodial parent can avoid the judge and any consequences of his non-payment. Faced with these kind of loopholes, there really isn’t much incentive for him to go out and get a better job (if having 4 kids wasn’t already a big enough incentive).
So here we custodial parents sit. What do we do? On one hand, we really feel like the non-custodial parent should not have the same rights to the kids that we have. It’s one thing if the non-custodial parent is down on their luck but in my case I have to see this fool come to my house every week with new electronic toys, tattoos, and he recently took a vacation with his girlfriend to a beach resort. That, my friends, is a little hard to swallow. So what do I do? I read on the net that a woman in Pennsylvania had her ex’s parental rights terminated. Ok, but what would that accomplish. His rights aren’t what psychologically affect my children, his presence (however sporadic) does. So what do I do? For now, I mostly just eat Tums and say the serenity prayer. Thoughts about how my children will someday realize the kind of person their father is don’t comfort me. I was a child of a non-supportive father and I wish I didn’t know that. For so many struggling parents, the children are the victims. I work very hard and am very blessed to say that for my children, that is not the case.
(Stepping off my soapbox and going to look for my box of Tums)
So, what bugs me so much about the child support system? Well, a number of things but for the sake of your eyes and my fingers, I’ll stick to one big concern: many children are not being supported!!! So you ask yourself, how can this be? There are laws in place? There’s a whole government office dedicated to making sure that children are supported by their parents. Well, newsflash: it ain’t happening. With regards to custodial parents who utilize Child Support Enforcement services, two categories can be distinguished: those who are also receiving state aid (welfare) and those who are not. The first group has to file a claim for child support against the non-custodial parent, they do not have a choice because it is a requirement of the state welfare system. Without being flamed for eternity by right-wing conservatives, I’ll say that I honestly think these parents are getting the shaft. Think about it. If we assume that for each child both parents are equally responsible for the child’s needs and to financially support the child, then we can say that each parent is 50% responsible for financial support. A parent applies for welfare because they cannot meet their 50% obligation. During that process, they are forced to bring a case against the non-custodial parent for child support, which the state then withholds from the custodial parent in order to reimburse itself for the support given to the custodial parent. Now, maybe I’m retarded, but doesn’t that mean that children of people on welfare are only really supported by one parent? Take a minute….yeah. Right wings would have you believe that welfare mothers are living on lobster and steak and driving Lexuses but here in Maryland I know that the welfare people stay on your ass. I have a friend who had to be on food stamps who was afraid to have direct deposit of her paychecks (which she declared to welfare) for fear of losing her benefits. So, while I’m sure some people are getting over on the system, I don’t think that should be the underlying assumption of child support policy.
But in an even poorer position is those parents who do work, who don’t receive state benefits and who hold the increasingly unrealistic expectation that because they did not make their child alone, they should not have to support the child alone. Poor, deluded schlubs. In my experience, if the state gets to recoup welfare costs through child support, they pursue the father doggedly if they don’t get their money. All their money. On time and in full. For parents who have child support orders who and are not receiving state benefits, the story goes a little differently. It takes a lot longer to get the system to discipline a non-custodial parent for non-payment. I’ll use my story as an example, but I’ve heard many others. The father of my two daughters is a waiter. He was a waiter when I met him eight years ago and has remained a waiter through the birth of our two children, our break-up and the conception of two more children with another woman. As we should all know, waiters don’t make that much on the books. It is not uncommon to find a waiter that makes $3 an hour on the books. Most of their money comes from tips and they only have to report a percentage of their tip wages as taxable income. I have a child support order against him and he is supposed to pay $325 a month (the court decided that since I made the decision to be responsible and have a job that adequately supports myself and my children that I should be responsible for 70% of their income and that he should be responsible for 30%). After a few months of non-payment they started to deduct this money from his paycheck. Well, according to the Maryland Child Support Enforcement Office, his job has 60 days to submit payment to them. Unfortunately, I don’t have that very lenient deadline for feeding the children but that’s not the bigger problem. The job has 60 days not to submit payment in full but a payment. This keeps the case out of what they call “enforcement” status. Well, his job has been submitting payments every month as they are supposed to. The first one was for $11.46, the second, $7.13, and the most recent one was $12.46. Yes, ladies and gentleman for a reasonable $31.05, a non-custodial parent can avoid the judge and any consequences of his non-payment. Faced with these kind of loopholes, there really isn’t much incentive for him to go out and get a better job (if having 4 kids wasn’t already a big enough incentive).
So here we custodial parents sit. What do we do? On one hand, we really feel like the non-custodial parent should not have the same rights to the kids that we have. It’s one thing if the non-custodial parent is down on their luck but in my case I have to see this fool come to my house every week with new electronic toys, tattoos, and he recently took a vacation with his girlfriend to a beach resort. That, my friends, is a little hard to swallow. So what do I do? I read on the net that a woman in Pennsylvania had her ex’s parental rights terminated. Ok, but what would that accomplish. His rights aren’t what psychologically affect my children, his presence (however sporadic) does. So what do I do? For now, I mostly just eat Tums and say the serenity prayer. Thoughts about how my children will someday realize the kind of person their father is don’t comfort me. I was a child of a non-supportive father and I wish I didn’t know that. For so many struggling parents, the children are the victims. I work very hard and am very blessed to say that for my children, that is not the case.
(Stepping off my soapbox and going to look for my box of Tums)
