Friday, May 24, 2013
Dear Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of America: Save the Drama For Your Mama, I Just Wanna Have FUN!
I’ve been recapping the Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of
America Meet & Greet over on Bariatric Foodie. And I won’t say I’ve been
diplomatic in that post, but I’ve held back my personal feelings there.
Bariatric Foodie does not take positions in conflicts in the weight loss
surgery world. Bariatric Foodie engages post-ops in playing with their food.
The Frazzled Scribe, however? Can say whatever the hell she
wants. So…here goes.
Dear Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of America,
Over the past two years I watched with a bit of envy as
friends of mine attended your annual meet & greet in Las Vegas. This year,
I looked with envy as you announced this would be the “Mother of ALL Meet &
Greets” (+1).
When I was asked by a company that works with my blog what
events they should consider checking out for 2013, I suggested your event. I
also asked that I get a sponsorship to attend said event and the company said
yes. I was very pleased, not only because this was my first corporate
sponsorship at an event but also because I was getting to go to this mythical,
magical thing everyone else was going to.
If I had to rate the entire event on a scale of 1-100%, I’d
give this event a 70%. Here’s why.
I enjoyed the comraderie of fellow post-ops, many of whom I
know from online. That part was great. Being Vegas (where I’d never been
before) was great. Some elements of your event, however, were kind of wonky.
Let’s start with the Night in Paris.
Not sure who planned this shindig but here’s a piece of
general wisdom for you. If you are going to hold an event anywhere within the
realm of what people conceive as “dinner time” you either have to:
A: Serve dinner
B: Make damn sure people know you are NOT going to serve
dinner or
C: Serve heavy hors d’ouevres and plenty of them
You did none of the above. The event was at 7. This is still
in the dinner time range, especially since people had to get dressed for the
event. PLUS you asked people to bring “+1” and many chose to bring their
significant others (who are not post-ops).
Now what you did serve, I personally didn’t have much of a
problem with. But I have the Wonder Pouch. For newer post-ops, raw veggies
might not have been that great of an option. The cheese was a good option but
there was very little of it. I missed the cheese. Literally. I didn’t get in
line fast enough and the cheese was gone and then there was no more cheese. So,
yeah.
Then there was the program. Sigh. I wanted to like the program.
I did like the first 25 minutes or so of it. The video you showed of a WLS
grant recipient was great. Bringing out the recipient and her sister was great.
Announcing the next location was great.
After that things just sort of went to hell.
But I can’t entirely blame you for that, WLSFA. I think in
general nonprofits all make the same mistake with events. You don’t give people
enough time to talk amongst themselves. Now had you shown the video, intro’d
the next award recipient, announced the next location and gotten the hell outta
dodge, you know what would have happened. A conversation at each table that
would have gone something like this:
“Wow, did you see that lady who got her surgery! So
inspiring”
“Yeah, I had no idea WLSFA did that!”
“I wonder how I can get involved.” (Conveniently there would
have been a flyer about getting involved on every table in my fantasy.)
“Wow this flyer says we can start a local chapter and
fundraise. I think I’ll check that out when I get back home!”
“Yeah definitely. I got the chance to change my life. I’d
love to give someone else that chance.”
“Hey do you think you’ll come to this again next year?”
“Yeah, it’s been great seeing everyone and this flyer also
says this meet and greet is a fundraiser so I’m in!”
Yep…that conversation would have happened at every table.
But instead I watched people tap dance. And no offense to the performers. I
think it was cute. There was just too much. I flew in from Baltimore, you see.
By 8 p.m. my brain was at 11 p.m. and it was just too much. But even without
the jet lag it would have been too much. It made no sense. There was nothing
Parisian about what was going on. I admit after the tap dance act I bounced.
When you get to the point of being pissed off by an event program, you
sometimes need to put YOURSELF on time out. I did.
Ok, so the next day! I worked the exhibition table of the
company that sponsored me. I will give you kudos on the exhibition hall. And
for the small group discussions. I thought those were great ideas. There was
lots of swag to be had so clearly your sponsors saw the marketing opportunities
that you yourself missed (I don’t recall being given much information at all
about how WLSFA works).
I was feeling pretty good about Saturday. And then came the
lunch.
Now, again, I’m no event guru but lunch was…off.
Firstly, we were greeted at our table by a ginormous tray of
desserts. Now…I understand they were supposedly sugar-free. But nothing on the
table said that so who really knows. To me, you are suspect in the fact that
you even put desserts (oh, and bread!) on my table KNOWING that many post-ops
can have an adverse reaction to either or both AND that at best, WLS patients
are prone to a lack of self-control around starchy carbohydrates. So I’m not
seeing how I was supposed to assume the desserts were sugar free. Their very
presence was a breech of trust.
The lunch, at first glance, appeared to be served in
courses. We first received about a quarter cup of vegetarian chili. It was
pretty good. Then we were served literally a handful of salad (and by handful I
mean the hand of maybe a five year-old). And it was pretty good. And for a
moment I thought you guys genius. Finally, FINALLY someone gets that you don’t
frontload a multi-course meal so that a post-op still has an appetite for the entrée.
Except there was no entrée. Oops.
Now many newer post-ops found the amount of food fine. And I’m
happy for you. But I’m five years out. A quarter cup of chili and a handful of
salad no longer “does it for me.” And obviously not for a lot of people because
you know what I saw? Hungry people reaching for the only sustenance available
which was…DESSERT!
But the biggest irony was to come. Then Dr. Garth. Fine ass
Dr. Garth. Gets up in front of us and talks about how we eat too much processed
food.
The moment was just too much for me. I had to live blog it
on Facebook.
I wondered if he noticed we were sitting in front of trays
of dessert and bread. I dunno. At any rate I heard his “eat more plants” speech
several times. I will say this year I was more inclined to be receptive to his
message. I am eating more whole foods, less meat (not less protein, just less
meat) and I actually feel pretty good. So yay Dr. Garth!
Anyhoo…so that portion of the day wrapped and that night was
the “Let Your Star Shine” gala, which I have come to term “Bariatric Prom.”
That was really nice. Folks got all dolled up, we took pictures. It was very
classy.
By this time my trust in food offerings was gone so I went
out to dinner before-hand which seemed a good idea because I came in to see
folks eating a good deal of bread and cheese. Whatever. Maybe I am the only
anti-bread person in the room. And I’m not even anti-bread. I’m anti “as much
as you want” bread type situations. Anyway, I had a glass of wine and kept it
moving.
The program consisted of crowning a king and a queen, which
was campy but in a cute way. They then recognized donors (which ended up being
a major source of drama which I’m not going to speak on at length but I will
say that because of the outcome of this I have opted NOT to become involved
directly with the WLSFA). And finally Carnie Wilson spoke.
That was the highlight for me. I find her to be a very brave
soul. She’s a food addict. And I think she’s lived through a lot of my fears.
She had the surgery, lost a lot, stretched her stoma. For her the restriction
is what kept her level headed. That scares me. I don’t want to rely on
restriction to keep me in check. I want to learn to make better food decisions.
That’s not a snipe at Carnie. We each have our own challenges and solutions.
For me, I didn’t go into this process wanting to rely on the physical
parameters to keep me in check. I wanted restriction to take the edge off while
I learned what the hell my problem with food was and corrected it.
Seems it ain’t that easy because I’m still pushing, pushing.
After her keynote she took pictures and met folks. I wasn’t
going to go up and say anything, mostly because what I had to say was gonna
make me cry. But I figured what the hell.
So I made my way up to her (and got distracted when the “Cupid
Shuffle” came on. I have to dance every time it comes on, you see…). So
eventually I get to her and I tell her what I have to say. Damn the media. Damn
post-ops. Damn everybody else but her family. She did a great thing for her
KIDS. And I wanted to encourage her in that. I buried my mother last year
because she could not bring herself to do what Carnie did: admit she was
powerless and needed help. So I told her to hold onto that and I’d be rooting
for her. And yes I cried. And she cried. We both cried together.
That night I decided, as I often do when I am out of town,
that it would be my one night to get tore-up drunk. Now you can do a whole PSA
on post-op drinking but the reality is this. You can count on one hand how many
times a year I consume alcohol. It’s not my addiction. Believe me I’ve battled
some transfer addictions but alcohol is not one of them thus far. If it gets
out of hand I give you all permission to do an intervention on me, k?
So I drank. And danced. And drank. And danced. And stayed up
too damn late.
The next morning was the closing breakfast. And it was the
only meal I found to be satisfactory across surgery ages! But that might have
been because my stomach was a bit thrown off by the sheer number of margaritas
I had the night before. But no…I think it was still good. We had quiche and
fruit and coffee. It was good. They did the raffles (I didn’t win anything) and
the program closed. I stayed in Vegas another day to see the sights.
So all in all, I think it was an ok event. Next year is in
Tampa and, WLSFA folks, I’m not 100% confident I’ll go. Partly because of the
aforementioned donor drama but also partly because I don’t want anyone to have
to deal with me stuck on a boat after having been underfed. And frankly I don’t
trust you to feed me properly.
I was going to try to do the land portion but then the donor
drama happened. Like I said I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty but
basically I have to say to WLSFA this.
A large group of post-ops came together, despite their
reservations, and collected a generous donation for you. It was the largest
donation you received at the gala. And you rejected it. Because you don’t like the
LEADER of that group.
I work in nonprofit. So I watch this as a nonprofit
professional. I tell you that heads would roll if the employees of my nonprofit
behaved in the ways that you have. We know here at my nonprofit to take the
high road. We approach things with a “the donor is always right” attitude. Yes,
we grumble amongst ourselves sometimes but NEVER outwardly. And because we work
toward a mission that is larger than any one person we never ever EVER return a donation. That’s just stupid. And
wrong. Because think of what that money could have done. Think of who it could
have helped. Is your disdain for the leader of that group worth denying a
person in need? If it is, I think you need to rethink YOUR mission.
So as a result of that I think I need to find another way to
support people who cannot afford to have weight loss surgery. Your response has
lacked tact and frankly I wonder if this is how you run your business is my
money really doing what you say it will do? How do I know?
Damn, I said no nitty gritty and there I went. Oh well. I
have a big mouth.
# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 9:01 AM 
Comments:
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I can not take sides in the donor thing. The fact is that we have only heard one side of the story. By her own admission the whole thing started because she had done harm to someone else in the community or at the meet and greet....though she says she does not know what she did. This person has slammed the organization constantly for several days and they have had the class not to respond and let the world know what she did. Maybe she did something bad enough that it had to come to this...maybe she did not. We do not know. Again, we are only getting one side of things. I completely agree about the food though. It was confusing and the large amount of bread at every meal did bother me a bit. I found it hard to use my normal coping skills when everyone around me was eating it as well. I let myself fall into the place where I was hungry and everyone else was eating it soooo.....I ate things I would not have normally eaten. But that is my own damn fault to tell the truth. No one shoved bread in my mouth.
Yeah but notice I didn't comment on the BEHAVIOR but the professionalism. As a non-profit it's unprofessional to put as much out there as they have. Like I said, I work for one. I would have been fired. As I would have for returning a donation. And further our board doesn't decide what to do with donations. Our donor services staff does. So to me, I think the best thing for the WLSFA to do is to keep everyone focused on their MISSION. I would have been posting stories about the good work we do. The lives we change. As my gramma used to say "one monkey don't stop no show." If that is the case here, you don't need to speak on it. If you do good work, let the good work speak for itself. Just my opinion.
As for the food, I agree it's a personal choice. But I wish I'd had as many good choices on that table as bad. Then I could hold myself completely responsible for any dumb-assery that followed. I was very thankful I had my protein samples I'd collected at the expo table! I munched on them.
Thanks for your fair reaction. Like I said, Bariatric Foodie has no position in this. And I'm not agains the WLSFA. I hope they improve. But their handling of this makes me pause on directly supporting them. That may change in the future and I am certtainly hoping so because I am 100% for helping people change their lives!
As for the food, I agree it's a personal choice. But I wish I'd had as many good choices on that table as bad. Then I could hold myself completely responsible for any dumb-assery that followed. I was very thankful I had my protein samples I'd collected at the expo table! I munched on them.
Thanks for your fair reaction. Like I said, Bariatric Foodie has no position in this. And I'm not agains the WLSFA. I hope they improve. But their handling of this makes me pause on directly supporting them. That may change in the future and I am certtainly hoping so because I am 100% for helping people change their lives!
...and darn Google won't let me post as me...so I look hypocritical saying BF doesn't take a position. Lovely.
You don't take an alcoholic to a bar. Many of us try really hard not to put ourselves in these situations of being surrounded by bad stuff. I know I can't be trusted. Had I went to this event, I would have assumed this to be a "safe place". Just poor planning. I feel bad for all of ya that spent all of the time and money to have it just sitting there as some sort of sour memory.
The food really was a shock to me. I had expected much more high protein food and waaaaay less in the way of bread and such. I made the mistake of having dressing on my salad during the lunch as well. Then had a massive fat dump. Didnt realize that the salad with dressing had 11.5 grams of fat in it, combined with the 6 grams in the chili I was a mess for a while. I also thought there would be another course coming out. It just seemed incomplete. The Carnie lunch was the same way though. 1/4 cup of soup, handful of salad, then a small desert of strawberries and cream. And of coure there was bread. I also found the fact that we were give only ice tea and no water disturbing. I do not drink with meals, but as we sat there for longer than the half hour I need to wait after meals having water would have been nice (my program does not allow tea and I hate tea anyway).
I just thank the lord I did not have massive regain while in Vegas, becuase I did not make the best choices.
I just thank the lord I did not have massive regain while in Vegas, becuase I did not make the best choices.
I have to admit, when I see any non-profit organization return donations, it makes me never want to donate to non-profits again. I remember years ago when no one was donating to a local Toys for Tots charity, so a group of exotic dancers raised quite a lot of cash and toys for the organization... and the organization refused to accept it... depriving the local children of a great Christmas because they had a beef with who was donating the funds.
I have since never donated to them, and in the future will never donate to an organization who refuses donations...because if you have the audacity to refuse a donation, it must mean that you have all the money you need, and do not need any more...
So, now I know of my third organization that I will never donate funds to again....
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I have since never donated to them, and in the future will never donate to an organization who refuses donations...because if you have the audacity to refuse a donation, it must mean that you have all the money you need, and do not need any more...
So, now I know of my third organization that I will never donate funds to again....
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