Tuesday, January 09, 2018

 

I see you

Let’s be real
We all do dirt and ask God not to look
But little do we know
Our deepest secrets flow

From our souls, like the pages of an open book 

# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 11:19 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 28, 2016

 

That "Other" Stage of Parenting

So...here I am again. Restarting this blog. It's existed for, what, the last ten years? Of which I've ignored it for about the eight. But it's my space. I come back to it when I need it. And I find I need it now. Why?

Well if you're reading this blog post you likely already know that I am a mom to two beautiful girls. They are in so many ways the light of my life. Next year is a special year because my oldest girl will turn 18 - she'll be a grown-up!

I am freaked out about that.

There are so many questions floating, bumping up against each other in my mind:

That's just a sampling of what I've been thinking about as we inch closer to the date - laughably, April Fools Day, of all days. 

So, as I so often do, I turned to the internet for some advice. I also have many friends who have shepherded kids over the line into adulthood, but I wanted, needed more. I wanted someplace to ask really crazy questions I was embarrassed I was even thinking about, much less wanting to ask my friends about. I wanted to read "war-stories" and find out other mothers were going through this and doing ok. I wanted articles about how to help this person who I have for so many years regarded as a dependent child become an independent adult.

The resources were lacking in a serious way.

There are pockets of information here and there. But nothing like the resources that exist, say, for parents of infants, toddlers, school-aged and even middle-school children.

I mean...many folks have been through this before, right? So why isn't there more information out there?

So that's what's on my heart to write about. As my daugher marches toward 18 I hope to use this space to reflect, and even get feedback, on how to help her prepare for the big bad world. 

I'll spare you all the promises about how often I'll post. I will post when I have something to post about. And I will share my thoughts and my truth as best I can, hopefully without hurting anyone's feelings in the process.

So...we are in the homestretch! Less than six months until her 18th birthday. There's a lot to learn. Let's dive in. 

# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 6:38 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

 

Alopecia, Hair Loss and Hair Replacements: My Story (part two)

Yeah. So we see how well that whole “I’ll post tomorrow” thing went, didn’t we?

At any rate I am writing now, continuing to talk about my experience with alopecia, hair loss and hair replacements.

As I said in my last post, there was a point in time when wearing ponytail-style hairpieces was just fine. Until it wasn’t. I didn’t have enough hair to support the weight of hairpieces comfortably and the amount of my exposed scalp increased, making the combs used to attach a hairpiece unbearable.

This year I knew I needed to commit to doing something. Of course, there were several options.

I could just shave my head and be bald. In fact, whenever I talk about the process of getting a hair replacement one of my friends always mentions this fact. I know it’s well-intentioned. None of my friends want to see me spend more money that I have to. But I quickly decided that wasn’t an option for me. Having hair is about as much a part of my personality as my smile or the colors I like to paint my nails. I definitely think there are beautiful bald women out there. And I think they are beautiful bald women, in part, because their choice to go bald is in line with their personalities. Such was not the case for me, so I journeyed on.

Now I had investigated hair replacement systems before. In the past I always used cost to justify not getting one. The truth is I just didn’t know very much about them and what I didn’t know scared me. So for a while I thought maybe I’d just get a regular, run-of-the-mill wig. While there are cute wigs out there, however, they made me perpetually nervous. At some point there wouldn’t be actual hair for a wig to attach to. Would I have to wear one that gripped my scalp so tight I would have constant headaches? Or maybe I’d just go around in fear all the time that my hair would come flying off.

Then there are those thoughts folks don’t want to admit out loud. Like sex. Yes, sex. Some men pull hair. I’ve always been averse to that, but probably only because I knew it doesn’t take much to completely dislodge hair from my head! There’s also the worry about swimming, dancing vigorously, riding a rollercoaster or a speed boat or doing any of the many, many, many activities in the world where hair moves a lot.

Plus, even the best wigs wear out pretty quickly if you don’t maintain them. And I figured if I’m going to maintain something, why not maintain something that works with my lifestyle.

So after some research I found El Dorado Hair ReplacementCenter, not far from me in White Marsh (a suburb north of Baltimore). I made an appointment for a consultation and went in, as I usually do, probably ill-prepared. But thankfully God gave me an “insightful gut.” I have never been one to write out questions before I meet with people. I sort of wing it. I don’t know if it’s my experience as a writer (and someone who interviews people frequently) or just unrecognized bravado, but that method usually works out for me.

At any rate, when I went to El Dorado I met with the owner, who is named Marty. Interestingly enough Marty himself was wearing a hair replacement and I did not know! (He let me feel the netting line on his scalp. I always feel comforted by people who use their own products. I’m not sure why. Perhaps I feel like they are truly invested? Plus it was comforting to know that he’d coped with hair loss just like I had.

Over the next hour or so, an interesting thing happened. Marty started interviewing me! He asked all sorts of questions, ranging from the routine (“About how often do you go to the gym?”) to the ultra-personal (“When you are in a room full of your peers, do you think you are less smart, as smart or smarter than them?”)

Now me not being the most perceptive person in the world (when it comes to myself) I didn’t realize what he was doing at first. I thought this was just small talk that wouldn’t end! But after a while I realized that he was trying to get to know me. He confirmed it by telling me he calls the process “discovery” and explained that hair is an extension of the personality. In order to get a sense of the kind of hair (style, length, color) to recommend he needed to know something about me: how I think, how I view the world, what I like to do.

That impressed the hell out of me! While I’m a pretty good writer, I am not so great at envisioning things so I had absolutely no idea what I wanted in a hair replacement. It’d been so long since I wore my hair down. I did know what factors I found important though.

1.       I wanted to look like a black person (any time I had a weave folks always mistook me for other races).

2.       I wanted to be able to adjust the style (either by nature or by my situation I am a chameleon. I don’t want to look the same every day!)

3.       I am an attention seeker (something Marty picked up on very easily during his discovery) so my hair had to have some sort of “wow” factor

With that he allowed me to ask the million and two questions I’d thought of while we went through discovery. Here are a few that I asked:

1.       Is there some sort of association or accreditation that makes you qualified to make a hair replacement for me? ANSWER: Yes. There is an American Hair Loss Association and within that there are standards for handling both prosthetic (wig) hair replacements as well as surgical hair replacements and Marty was actively involved in that community.

2.       Are hair replacements covered under insurance policies? ANSWER: Sometimes. I am currently appealing my insurance’s policy, which only covers hair replacements (called either partial or full cranial prosthesis) after chemotherapy.

3.       How much do hair replacements usually cost? ANSWER: Good ones are usually in the thousands, but prices vary depending on length of hair, style, color, etc. Mine cost about $2,500. I was required to make a 30% deposit and the rest was due when the piece was complete.

4.       What are hair replacements made of? And are there any distinctions between the various types? ANSWER: They can be either synthetic or human (mine is human). The human is a bit more versatile in the ability to style but can degrade faster.

5.       How will this thing be attached to my head? ANSWER: There are two methods – taping and bonding. Both methods require you keep your replacement on for stretches of time (as opposed to removing them daily). With taping, you use a strong, double-sided adhesive tape to affix the piece to your head. With bonding, a special medical-grade bonding glue is attached directly to your scalp that will hold the piece in place for several weeks at a time.

6.       What if I order a hairpiece and don’t like it? ANSWER: Marty did stress my down-payment was not refundable (it basically covered the cost of hand crafting the hair replacement) but that my contract stipulated that payment was due upon acceptance of the final piece. He said he’d never experienced a person flat-out not liking their hair replacement but he said they have options to restyle it if tweaks are necessary.

7.       How long does this thing last? ANSWER: Most well-kept hair replacements last about six months, a year at the most. El Dorado has a monthly payment plan you can get on that includes yearly replacement of your piece, but Marty also suggested checking to see how often my insurance might cover replacement.

So…this is turning into a whole little series! But I think I have one more post coming. That’s about the actual logistics (what they did to my head, how they made the wig, how I take care of it, etc.). Stay tuned!

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# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 10:45 AM 0 comments

Friday, August 22, 2014

 

Alopecia, Hair Loss and Hair Replacements: My Story (part one)

 
So…this happened recently. And since I realize I’ve not gone much into my hair journey I will stop a moment and tell the long (boring) story.

The official start of this story is in 1998. But I think it starts a little earlier. I’ll explain why in a moment.

I had this FABULOUS auburn hair weave. Now on me an auburn weave is just asking for cultural confusion. I lived in Montgomery County at the time and even the large Latino population thought I was Latina from time to time (while my mom’s family name is Fernandez we mostly came by that name by way of imperialism).

Anyhoo, as I was removing the weave, I noticed a dime sized chunk of hair missing toward the crown of my head. I didn’t think much of it. I thought maybe I’d pulled some hair from my head in removing the weave. I carried on.
But it progressively got worse. And I progressively denied it. I’m not sure how to explain how I did that except that I did. My past has given me the ability to make very existent things non-existent. It’s a survival mechanisms that helps in some ways and hurts in others.

Over the next 10 years or so I began a male pattern hair loss which means a circle at the top of my head was becoming bald. Amazingly I did not seek medical advice for this for more than a decade! I am generally distrustful of doctors and medical institutions (ironic since I placed myself in a situation where I have to interact through my weight loss surgery). That is to say that when I am sick my first inclination is NOT to call a doctor. I usually try to push through it.

But eventually I did go to the doctor and the doctor told me…approximately nothing. They ran no tests, they gave me no explanation (other than the diagnosis of alopecia areata which, in my estimation, translates to “you are losing your hair and we’re not 100% sure why.”). The dermatologist did tell me that the hair follicles in the area of my scalp where I’d already lost hair were dead. And so the hair would not grow back. Lovely.

SIDEBAR: Remember where I said I think this dates back earlier? I had an experience but I can't prove it had anything to do with my ultimate hair loss. In my junior year of high school I went to get a perm at a beauty school. The student technician put the perm solution in my hair...then promptly disappeared for about 45 minutes! Most black folks know that stuff is not supposed to stay in that long. After about 20 my head was on fire and I begged someone, anyone, to wash it out. That was met with claims that I must have a sensitive head. My mom arrived 45 minutes in when I was trying to "man up" and demanded someone do something. They did and my hair did not fall out then, but I did have recurring sores on my scalp for quite some time. Then the hair started to come out. Thankfully the sores (which bled often for years) disappeared once the hair started falling out. Although we signed a disclaimer saying we know my hair was being done by students and releasing them of most liability, a court later found the school grossly negligent and I got a small settlement that helped me pay for my first year of college. Back to our regular story...

Now the same part of me that allowed me to stick my head in the sand for many years also prevented me from really grieving my hair too much. I’m fairly resilient that way. So I wouldn’t have hair that grew out of my head. Instead of being sad about that I set off to figure out how I could have hair. And thus began my long career of wearing hair pieces.
Those of you who met me within the last 10 years or so have seen me in hairpieces. They are always ponytails of some sort. I dabbled in wigs but found I didn’t like too much hair around my face. It wasn’t too much of a bother to wear these hair pieces. They are cheap (most of the ones you’ve seen range from $10-15), accessible (true fact: there are four beauty supply stores in walking distance of my house) and they allowed me versatility. I’ve never been one to commit to looking one particular way.

So if I was happy with the hairpieces, what led me to get that thing of beauty you see in the photo above?
Well, several things. First, as I lost more and more hair, hair pieces became more and more uncomfortable. The stress of the weight of them was a lot for the tiny bit of hair I had to pull back to support them. Plus it was getting harder to conceal my scalp. Lastly, most ponytail hair pieces are fastened with little combs. This isn’t problematic if you have hair between those combs and your scalp. I did not. Imagine little metal spikes digging into your scalp all day. Not fun!

So this year I finally decided to get a hair replacement.

I have a lot to say about the process – what makes a good candidate, the cost, the actual logistics of getting one. I’m trying to motivate myself to blog more so I’m going to save this for tomorrow, when I hope to pick up where I left off.

 

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# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 9:37 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

 

Five Tips to Taking Super Selfies

This post goes out to a friend of mine who seems to think I take decent selfies.

Now, depending on the day, my propensity (read: addiction) to taking selfies draws either praise and compliments or heckles and good-natured sarcasm. So let me put this out there so that we are clear: yes, I am narcissistic. Yes, I do like looking at myself. No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

And I believe that’s the first step to taking a winning selfie.

Be full of yourself

Well perhaps not narcissism itself but the confidence that tends to come with. I think everyone knows at least one person who is either obsessed or extremely preoccupied with how they look. You ever notice those same people are very confident? They think they are handsome or pretty and worthy of being depicted as such in a photograph – so they will accept nothing less.

For my part, I mostly take selfies because I like the angles I get of myself better than those others get of me. Short of a few friends of mine, most folks I know take really bad pictures. They don’t know angles, rule of thirds, good lighting, etc., etc. And I’ve got an image to maintain. Hey…speaking of good photography sense…

Know your picture-story

In essence, why are you taking a selfie? Do you like your make-up that day? Are you wearing a cute outfit? Are you in a cool location?

Knowing this will tell you a few things about your selfie. I see many folks who want to draw attention to their face who take mirror pictures. No. Turn on your reverse camera, get into some good light and make sure the camera is close enough to capture what you are trying to highlight.

For outfit photos, the mirror may be the best option. Yes, these shots can be cheesy but my best tip for these is this: don’t look at the phone as you are taking the picture. Look at the mirror! If you are doing a close-up on the reverse camera, don’t look at your image on the phone, look at the phone’s camera (that seems like a no-brainer but look at most selfies and you’ll see people inspecting their own faces on their phone screen…not cute).

Let there be light

This is a biggie. Good lighting makes or breaks any photography. In fact, after taking my fair share of photo workshops I’ve deducted that 95% of photography is manipulating light. The other 5% is knowing a good subject when you see it and placing that subject in a way that tells a story.

At any rate, pictures outside on a sunny day are almost always going to be a winner. Don’t take pictures in the middle of the day when the sun is strongest. Your picture will look washed out and you’ll look squinty. Early to mid-morning or late afternoon will give you just enough good sunlight to get a clear image. It makes a difference!

Utilize your phone’s edit features

I will say up front that I’m not the biggest fan of filters unless the filter is part of your picture story (that’s another post entirely). But if you feel like a filter will help create a better tone for your picture use it.

Most often I use the cropping feature. Especially for mirror pictures, I crop out the borders of the actual mirror! I also remove any extraneous stuff that will detract from the photo subject (me!).

Get playful


Selfies don’t always have to be standard issue, you in front of the camera looking awkward. Play around with angles and what you are actually doing. Be intentional about the expression on your face and the direction in which you are looking (yes, I know I just told you to look at the camera but sometimes there are exceptions). Here are a few examples of when I’ve played around with a selfie:


Photobomb aside, I was attempting to convey my feelings on the occasion of my last night in Vegas.


Depending on who you ask the story this picture tells varies. My story is that this is what will happen when I discover the zombie apocalypse has started and Zar is its first victim...but still. This picture always gets people talking! (And yes, I took the picture).


My kids are even in on the selfie madness. I love this playful picture of Annikki...with a pretzel. 


...and not to play favorites but this is my all-time favorite selfie ever. Zariyah (my youngest child) took this of herself and used a filter. I think it gives a little window to her soul. She's a thoughtful kid. She gets happy but she's also very contemplative and I think this picture rings so true to who she is!

So there you have it. My best selfie pics. Now go forth and be self-centered!!!

# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 8:49 AM 0 comments

Friday, June 20, 2014

 

Something I've been working on

It's summer, which makes me want to write poetry. Been knocking this one around in my head a while. I think it's sort of "Angelou-esque." Anyways:

17 Shades
by Nikki Massie

The world seems to move fast
Yet I move so slow
The reason for this?
Hell, I don’t know!
I’m young but I think I’ve got an old soul
I guess it just goes to show

I’m a home-town girl with a wandering heart
A “round the way” girl with a ton of book smarts
A victim of about a million false starts
Starting over is my art

I thank God for the sun
Dance in the rain
I live to laugh
But I thrive in pain
It’s quite possible that I’m just insane
But then again, what’s in a name?

For right now I’d rather go undefined
Live above the fray
And between the lines
That way what I amass is mine
To have and to hold in my space and time
Embracing my pen and a glass of wine
I wait in silence for my time to shine
My life is good, no reason to whine
Cuz as bad as it can get
Damn…I’m fine
And conceited
But that’s my line


;)

# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 11:43 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

 

Eating Rules

So it occurs to me that there are certain behaviors I exhibit that encourage a healthy and balanced life, in a world full of food and there are certain behaviors that seem to fuel my addiction to food.

I’m going to start to document some of the stuff that helps keep me on track. Because I think it’s important to recognize and replicate!

I guess I could call them lifestyle rules although I’m not committing to that. This will be a running list.
  1. When it’s time to eat, eat.
  2. You know when it’s time to eat and when it’s not time to eat.
  3. Try not to eat too many meals by yourself. Sometimes when you extra food, you are simply craving comfort that you could just as easily get from good mealtime conversation.
  4. If you want a cookie, eat a cookie. Nine times out of ten you just want one cookie, not the whole pack but when you deny yourself the one cookie, you eat the whole pack out of spite. That’s crazy.
  5. On the days when you eat the whole pack of cookies, log it, forgive yourself and keep it moving.
  6. Whenever you can, go do something after eating a meal that is not related to food. Doesn’t have to be a walk or even being active, it just has to be “not food-related.”
  7. As much as possible, cook the food you eat. Having your hands in food is just as satisfying to you as eating it. You eat less when you prepare food.
  8. Hunger makes eating better. Don’t eat until you are hungry. But then, refer back to #1.
  9. Find other things to think about! If need be, make yourself think about them. Get a hobby!
Yep...there are probably more but those are it for now. 




# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 12:39 PM 0 comments

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