The Frazzled Scribe

Well, folks, I'm to that point. What point you ask? That point in every WLS patient's post-op recovery where they ask themselves, "what in the hell did I do to myself?" Needless to say, it's been a rough week.

For the last month I have existed on the following foods:

• Sugar-free oatmeal
• Eggs
• Grits
• Sugar-free pudding and/or Jello
• Chicken noodle soup
• Sugar-free popsicles

Deviating from these foods either causes a stomach ache or makes me deathly ill (you all know what that means so don't make me spell it out). So...here I sit, wondering if it is really that important to me to be smaller. Of course it is, but in these moments of doubt I can almost convince myself that the risk of diabetes, heart disease, and early death is worth it to be able to eat something, ANYTHING, that is not on that list.

It's funny to me that I used to love eating. I loved all kinds of food: I loved Indian (shout out to chicken tikka masala), I loved Thai (Drunken Noodles), I loved sushi (Spicy Tuna rolls), I loved Afghani (oh...samosas), I loved Chinese (Shrimp with Lobster Sauce), I loved Ethiopian (except Injera bread), I just loved food and I loved eating. Now? I am most happy in situations where I do not have to think about food. If it was up to me I might never eat again. That sounds depressing and sad and unhealthy but it's the way I feel. I do eat, of course. I eat those lovely foods listed above, but it's not enjoyable. Somehow I think that's the point. You're supposed to eat to live, not live to eat. So I have to start looking at food as a means for sustenance and nothing else. But that doesn't seem fair. Even fit people enjoy eating, don't they?

Oy...let me end this post before it gets depressing. Bottom line: it's been a rough week. It'll get better I'm sure and this is all a part of the process and before you say it, I know that this surgery and the ensuing changes were all my decision but it doesn't make it any less hard, k?