The Frazzled Scribe

My mom used to have a saying about procrastination that I won’t share due to the nature of the saying, but basically what it said was that when you procrastinate, you don’t really affect anyone but yourself. To be fair, there are probably many valid reasons for procrastination. Sometimes to do something at a particular time will be hurtful to someone else, perhaps the instincts that protect us and tell us to be cautious go into overdrive. Sometimes, as in my case, a person has more things to deal with than mental space in which to deal with it. So we procrastinate. We put things off until tomorrow and only deal with the critical things today. What, then, happens when that person’s life calms down, when there is time to deal with everything? If you’re like me, you hold on to your procrastinating ways.

More than two years ago I stopped attending church. I mostly stopped going because my schedule of work and school only afforded me one day to sleep in—Sunday—and I didn’t want to give that day up. I don’t think that was a wise decision, but it’s the one I made. After I graduated from school I wanted so badly to return to church, to that loving community that provided the consistency that I came to depend upon. So the first Sunday after graduation came and I didn’t go. I woke up on time. Got out of bed, looked in the mirror and promptly went back to sleep. Why? I have no idea except that I didn’t do it. For weeks and weeks I didn’t do it. That wasn’t the only incidence, though. Chores around the house, bills, everything in my life started to fall behind and that’s when I kicked into overdrive, becoming superwoman. I cleaned the house, paid the bills, ran all my errands and after it was all over I thought: this would have been so less stressful if I had done these things when they were supposed to be done. What I realized is that my brain was still in the “over-committed” mind set. I’d spent four years fitting life into the small empty corners of my work and school schedules. Even my children had to tuck in there neatly. Post-graduation, my life was the same way except I transferred my school time over to watching television or reading magazines.

In September I decided, quite out of the blue, that the children and I would go to church that Sunday. And we did. And we’ve attended every Sunday since. How did I make that change? I just did it. My mother has another saying, which I can share with you, that goes “if nothing changes, nothing changes.” The thing that is so wonderful about life is that you aren’t really locked into too much at all if you think about it. Humans are slaves only to their own habits. My habit of pushing things off to the side had to do with a lot of the other problems in my life. I didn’t have energy because I didn’t eat properly (which I always wanted to do but didn’t). I didn’t have fun because I never took the initiative to go out and find something to do. So one day I did. And I’m better for it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally reformed. I have a box I’ve been meaning to FedEx for a month that is still sitting in my living room. Perhaps I’ll ship it out tomorrow. Today, I’m too busy trying to live.