Friday, February 08, 2008
Some ups, some downs...
That last post was really depressing. Yeesh.
Seriously, though. These emotional highs and lows are to be expected as I work to try to change my lifestyle. And make no mistake, people, this is hard work. Imagine if someone told you...from now on you must breathe out of your ears. It's silly, I know, but I'd liken the adjustment to that. At first you have no idea what to do, how to start, you're afraid. Then slowly you start to figure it out: what works and what does not, how the changes affect you and you learn so much about who you were before that you never even thought about.
A good friend of mine told me that obesity is the symptom. So to successfully change my life I have to complete the sentence "In my life, obesity is the symptom of..." I won't detail my lengthy answer to this question. There are many factors, many reasons why I chose to abuse my body for so many years. I won't burden you with them all. The most important thing I learned (or, perhaps, rediscovered is a better word) is that I am a person with unique qualities, interests, likes, dislikes, quirks, irks and all the rest of it. So I hold on to that when I feel lost (which happens quite often in this food-centric world of ours) and it makes me feel hopeful.
So anyway, back to work Monday. I don't know how I feel about that but it's my job and I'm going to it! I went to my first gastric bypass support group meeting. That was nice, even though I was wickedly nauseous from a new med I began taking that day. I met people who'd reached their goals. One woman, you would never ever have known she was ever obese. I hope I reach that point. But the focus has to be on fitness, on health. I cannot get scale obsessed. That's why I decided that after this week (since I've already weighed myself...more on that in a minute) I will only weight myself once every month to track my progress. And I'll only weigh on my doctor's scale.
Speaking of scales, the home ones are notoriously unreliable. I weighed myself Wednesday night and delighted at the number...291. That would have meant a 25 lb. decrease in two weeks. I was suspicious. I don't think my doctor would have praised that number either. He would have demanded to see my food journal and would have been worried. So I thought to myself...self...your house is a classic Pigtonian row house (read: no level floors) and you are weighing yourself on a carpeted surface. So I did what any reasonable gal would do. I took my scale over to the projects to the girl's paternal grandma's house and weighed myself. Why? Because the projects have the most level, hard surfaced linoleum floors this side of any elementary school. On her floor I was 302. I am satisfied with that. One month ago I was 326. In another week I'll be under 300 lbs. for the first time in seven years. But my focus will be fitness and health. It's like a mantra, innit? Fitness and health, fitness, and health. Fitnessandhealth. Fitnessandhealth.
Seriously, though. These emotional highs and lows are to be expected as I work to try to change my lifestyle. And make no mistake, people, this is hard work. Imagine if someone told you...from now on you must breathe out of your ears. It's silly, I know, but I'd liken the adjustment to that. At first you have no idea what to do, how to start, you're afraid. Then slowly you start to figure it out: what works and what does not, how the changes affect you and you learn so much about who you were before that you never even thought about.
A good friend of mine told me that obesity is the symptom. So to successfully change my life I have to complete the sentence "In my life, obesity is the symptom of..." I won't detail my lengthy answer to this question. There are many factors, many reasons why I chose to abuse my body for so many years. I won't burden you with them all. The most important thing I learned (or, perhaps, rediscovered is a better word) is that I am a person with unique qualities, interests, likes, dislikes, quirks, irks and all the rest of it. So I hold on to that when I feel lost (which happens quite often in this food-centric world of ours) and it makes me feel hopeful.
So anyway, back to work Monday. I don't know how I feel about that but it's my job and I'm going to it! I went to my first gastric bypass support group meeting. That was nice, even though I was wickedly nauseous from a new med I began taking that day. I met people who'd reached their goals. One woman, you would never ever have known she was ever obese. I hope I reach that point. But the focus has to be on fitness, on health. I cannot get scale obsessed. That's why I decided that after this week (since I've already weighed myself...more on that in a minute) I will only weight myself once every month to track my progress. And I'll only weigh on my doctor's scale.
Speaking of scales, the home ones are notoriously unreliable. I weighed myself Wednesday night and delighted at the number...291. That would have meant a 25 lb. decrease in two weeks. I was suspicious. I don't think my doctor would have praised that number either. He would have demanded to see my food journal and would have been worried. So I thought to myself...self...your house is a classic Pigtonian row house (read: no level floors) and you are weighing yourself on a carpeted surface. So I did what any reasonable gal would do. I took my scale over to the projects to the girl's paternal grandma's house and weighed myself. Why? Because the projects have the most level, hard surfaced linoleum floors this side of any elementary school. On her floor I was 302. I am satisfied with that. One month ago I was 326. In another week I'll be under 300 lbs. for the first time in seven years. But my focus will be fitness and health. It's like a mantra, innit? Fitness and health, fitness, and health. Fitnessandhealth. Fitnessandhealth.
# posted by Bariatric Foodie @ 5:09 PM 
